[♪ theme music ♪] >> stephanie: hello, current tv land. look who we have in studio. it's jacki schechner on no-pants

friday. >> pants-free friday. get it right. >> stephanie: she started with help me. >> i'm having all sorts of technical problems. [♪ mysterious music ♪] >> stephanie: oh, look who is here right on time as usual, it's jim ward. the good news is thank god we don't need a journalistic goddess, the guy who owns the show sent us the news yesterday that susan rice withdrew. [ laughter ] >> if only we had a tv. >> stephanie: right or computers. here she is news goddess jacki schechner. >> secretary of defense has authorized deployment of 400 troops to man the turkey syria

border. they are emphasizing this is only a defensive mission. susan rice will meet with president obama at the white house today. he has already accepted her withdraw for consideration to replace hillary clinton. she is a fighter but not at the cost of what is right with the country. the president praised her strength of character, and called the attacks on her in recent weeks unfair and misleading. the reaction to the withdrawal were short and dismissive. the behavior of certain republican senators was a disgrace on national security issues. i'm not mad at you. i'm just very disappointed. >> we have always heard that from our grade school teachers.

>> stephanie: several republican senator went after rice following the attack on the consolelate in benghazi. abc pointing out that rice had been criticized before specifically for her past work during the clinton administration. aledgedly she was a little too sympathetic to the row juan dan president at the time. but there is conflicting reports. >> that's from my upcoming benefit for victims of hurricane sandy. i booked the strongest, smartest comics i could find. my comedian friends and i will raise money to rebuild homes and lives one laugh at a time. >> awe damn, the lights are out! you know what? i'll watch a little television until they come back on.

>> only on current tv.

[ technical difficulties ] >> it got great reviews when it was on broadway. >> stephanie: right, we're going for booze and dope after the play. >> you should go to porter grill while you are downtown there. >> stephanie: okay. >> stephanie: susan [ inaudible ] owns the place. >> stephanie: awesome. >> let's tell everybody where we're going to be. [ applause ] [ laughter ] >> stephanie: exactly. for all of you pervs out there. sorry mrs. schechner. washington >> stephanie: kids see what you see right here in the studio. this is the opening act of sexy liberal dc.

did you hear we're getting a tour of the white house. >> i don't think you are supposed to say that. you ruined it for us. >> yeah you have to pass a background check. >> stephanie: i have some time to clean some things up. >> yeah. get harvie kitel to get the blood and brain matter out of the car. >> stephanie: yeah. rolland sexy liberal tour director says there are some great $45 seats in the lower balcony. the $45 seats have amazing views of the stage. there are probably only about 100 orchestra seats left. and then we have two huge surprise celebrity guests on panel. >> i don't know either of them. >> stephanie: you don't? >> no. >> stephanie: oh my god you are

going to [ censor bleep ] yourself. >> it smells like somebody did in here -- >> can we please not bring in salmon and brussel sprouts on the same day? >> i burned them look at that. >> blackened brussel sprouts. >> i'm excited to go spinning with you. >> stephanie: katherine in pittsburgh, listen every day through i-heart radio. i captured the moment you were tea bagged by rob reiner. >> oh, here. >> stephanie: wow, it's a rearview. >> oh geez. [ applause ] >> i think it is better than being tea bagged by carol o'connor. >> well, since he is dead. [ wah wah ] >> what? >> too soon?

>> stephanie: this week is just the gift that keeps on giving. the hate mail just keeps coming from fox news. >> hateful hating haters! i hate you! >> stephanie: do we have that whole song? the thing we played? my sister said it was such a cute little song parody. but they are proving my point exactly. i play some cute little song parody, and i get called the c word and they hope i die. and the point of the segment is the left-wing is engaged in more hate speech than the right-wing. so is this the whole song? >> yeah. ♪ wing nuts roasting for mitty's fire ♪ ♪ pundits growing a big nose ♪

♪ stocking toys being sold by big liars, like fox and friends media hosts ♪ ♪ everybody knows a turkey like sean hannity ♪ ♪ has an audience that's white ♪ ♪ tiny brains viewers who just don't know that what he says just isn't right ♪ >> stephanie: all right. [ applause ] >> the entire viewership is almost exclusively old and white. >> stephanie: he opened by saying i called him a racist. mary who sang that she could not have been more excited. she is like me on fox. [ explosion ] >> stephanie: like christmas

came early for her and rocky mountain mike. hi, steph words can't describe how excited i was on fox news. we are legend cookies and freedom for everybody. [ applause ] >> hate! hate! why do the liberals hate so much? [ laughter ] >> it's amazing we are the big ten exclusive party. >> stephanie: right. jim said yes, sean hannity is so thin skinned he is nearly trans-lousent. >> stephanie: this one the subject line is sad. i heard a bit from her show -- this went to travis for some reason. mr. travis. >> yeah. >> stephanie: i heard a bit from her show, and what a idiot, you

liberals are racist and violent. >> you are an ist. >> stephanie: wow, radical muslims -- >> stephanie: by the way where is my christmas music. [ christmas music ] >> stephanie: god bless america and merry christmas! >> merry christmas bitch! >> we haven't had a single marksist -- >> stephanie: how about this one? somebody spilled like rum and coke on their caps lock. >> marxist atheist muslims! >> this is rum and coke? >> i think it looks more like moon shine and mountain due. >> stephanie: oh that's right.

>> the original mountain dew was moon shine. >> stephanie: his email name is actually complainant. >> i love that. >> stephanie: i think he complains a lot about a lot of stuff. so maybe i'm not even that special. complainant writes racist -- blood sucker. democrats are just what you are. gutter rats! you have a tiny brain and you -- >> you stupid poopy head! [ laughter ] >> how is that spelled? >> stephanie: how could you feel good about yourself you racist pig? >> based on what exactly? >> stephanie: that we played

this song. >> stephanie: he is not sticking to points. usually they say i have no ratings. but he says i'm being a racist pig to get ratings. you are nothing but a rating whore. >> well -- >> that's radio. [ laughter ] >> you stood naked in a barrel in a shop window to get ratings. >> that was a whacky morning radio d.j. that's when i was sister sleaze don't bring that up. you are igniting the racial element for your audience. what a vacuumous pig you are.

>> usually vak wows doesn't make it to west virginia. >> stephanie: chris, you have no proof he is from west virginia. >> stephanie: that's a little manic. >> ha! ha! ha! >> stephanie: good look swirling in your bowel of sewage steph. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: ps, oh hang on there's a hopeful note at the end. ps i might be a new listener if you do the following. >> a list of demands. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: can you send me a hat. >> do what i say or i'll shoot.

>> well, ratings whore what does he want. >> stephanie: explain why the president would lie about benghazi. [ wah wah ] >> stephanie: oh damn that was so hopeful for a minute. >> that's like the email equivalent of pasting the letters from a magazine. >> a ransom letter. >> by the way the song which we didn't write, said sean's audience is old and white. they are old and white and pasty people. >> stephanie: we apologize to the pasty people in the audience. steph are you spending sean hannity and his listeners pro flowers? after all he was 80% of the show yesterday. [ applause ] >> stephanie: that's true.

i think i will. >> send him a sodastream. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: why what a good idea. 18 minutes after the hour. you know -- [ applause ] >> timing? >> stephanie: even sean hannity won't be quite as grumpy if he has a sodastream. >> i have looked forward to being able to weigh in on sodastream live. because i have one and i love it. >> what is your favorite flavor. >> i don't use the flavors i make spell er. >> stephanie: she hasn't consumed anything with calories for years. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: sodastream it transforms water into fresh

fizzy soda or seltzer as jacki schechner likes to call it. it's simple to use you fill the bottle -- >> we're going to get notes on this thing. >> i think we are. >> stephanie: there are over 60 flavors. >> name brands? >> stephanie: yes. >> like? >> stephanie: country time and crystal light. that's my favorite. prices start around $80. and it's pretty, right? >> it is. very easy to use. >> stephanie: at bed bath and beyond macy's kohl's or go to sodastream.com for a location closest to you. >> stephanie: we'll be right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> and we'll be right back.

>> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪

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>> i'm a slutty bob hope. the troops love me. the sweatshirt is nice and all but i could use a golden lasso. ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ don't be fizzy, just get dizzy, why so serious ♪ ♪ so raise your glass if you are wrong in the right ways ♪

♪ all my underdogs ♪ >> stephanie: all right. all right. everybody settle. settle. it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. thirty-thirty minutes after the hour. hi, jacki schechner. look at my beaver. >> good morning. you know i came in just to see your beaver. >> stephanie: it's bucky the christmas beaver. >> i would not turn down -- i would not turn down the opportunity to see steph's beaver. >> no, and who would. >> kelby loves to focus on your beaver. >> stephanie: oh. by the way we missed their birthday. happy birthday. dory in massachusetts. >> caller: good morning, darling. today is my birthday and since

i have the [ inaudible ] all over me, i would like to ask squeezy to wish me a happy birthday. [ heavy breathing ] >> what are you wearing? i bet you are in your birthday suit. >> stephanie: don't encourage him. for god's sake. what is going on with janet in georgia. welcome. >> caller: hi, steph and mooks i'm calling from a red state and i wanted to ask the health care geek what is going to happen now that our republican governor has turned down the expansion of the medicaid. >> well, the supreme court ruled that the federal government couldn't require states to expand medicaid, so unfortunately there will be a lot of people who fall below 133% of the poverty level in your state who would have had access to health care who now

probably won't. i don't know what the contingency plans are for that or statewide what they are going to do, but the reason why it is such a good idea for states to taken that opportunity, was the federal government said we'll pick up the tab 100% for the first three years and 90% after that. so it is not going to cost the states anything to expand medicaid and cover people who fall below 133% of the poverty line. it's unfortunate the supreme court ruled that the states weren't going to be required to do it. >> stephanie: i don't know if the supreme court takes into account how much the republicans will do just to spite the president. >> caller: that ex-exactly why this is being done. >> stephanie: yeah, that's what i mean. you were saying these fiscal cliff negotiations it's

presuming their care for something other than their own power. >> that's what we're walking about people's lives. >> stephanie: and it's completely counter intuitive. they are screaming smaller government smaller government and now the federal government will have to do it for them. >> yeah. >> stephanie: this is a love letter to my listeners -- [♪ romantic music ♪] >> stephanie: we are just a dysfunctional little loving family. i missed this -- i also missed rocky mountain mike's birthday. but one of our listeners knew. steph, because rocky mountain mike has given us so much joy this year, i thought i would try to return a song parody. but needed help downloading the

karaoke, and my tom, my friend dean found a moment to record it. here is a little part of it. ♪ ♪ he was born in the winter of his 50-something year moving out to a place he had never been before ♪ ♪ he left [ inaudible ] behind him for the aspen trees he loves ♪ ♪ when he first came to the mountains, he already had a bed ♪ ♪ for the parodies he wrote for stephfy's show ♪ ♪ and he did not disappoint he

continued to amuse ♪ ♪ how he does it we don't really know ♪ >> stephanie: no. ♪ but it's happy birthday rocky mountain mike ♪ ♪ [ inaudible ] ♪ ♪ hello skeeter, good-bye mitt even more to life that twists ♪ ♪ rocky mountain mike ♪ ♪ rocky mountain mike ♪ [ applause ] >> stephanie: ah thanks kids. how cute are your listeners >> stephanie: i remember when rocky mountain mike first moved to the rocky mountains, he didn't have wifi, so he sat in

the parking lot of the hotel to send us his bits. >> stephanie: ah. twenty-nine minutes after the hour, back with representative gwen moore so update us on the fiscal cliff, as we continue on the "stephanie miller show." ♪ nobody knows disasters like comedians. >> new york, the high-tech resilient city. just don't get us wet. what the hell was that? >> that's from my upcoming benefit for victims of hurricane sandy. i booked the strongest, smartest comics i could find. my comedian friends and i will raise money to rebuild homes and lives one laugh at a time. >> awe damn, the lights are out! you know what? i'll watch a little television until they come back on. >> only on current tv.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> i think i figured out why you are so cranky. christmas is four days away and you don't even have a tree.

>> stephanie: wa. >> what? >> stephanie: i have no one to put a tree up with. [ wah wah ] >> that was the saddest thing i have ever heard. >> stephanie: listen, i have the fiscal cliff to entertain me. >> fiscal cliff clavin. >> stephanie: boner said ifs as and buts or only candy and nuts. [ applause ] >> stephanie: representative gwen moore i'm so glad to have you on. >> i'm so glad to be with you again. >> stephanie: are you hearing any progress being made? >> no, i'm not.

i think there's some really wide idealogical kinds of differences. everybody, stephanie knows we have got to deal with some debt reduction, but the -- the real sticking point is whether or not we're going to throw the country into an austerity cliff, and really make the middle class, and pour people bare the burden of deficit reduction, or whether or not we're going to ask people who are wealthier to sort of pick up some of the burden of the ten-year hiatus that they have had in making a real contribution. and i think that's a really wide wide goal. >> stephanie: representative moore, you can looking at the same polls we are, and it seems like they are getting worse for republicans. 75% of americans want the

wealthier americans to pay their fair share and they don't want medicare or social security touched. >> exactly. >> stephanie: who are they fighting for at this point? >> well, i can tell you that the very rich and powerful have sent out various threats to the gop, you know, that if you don't do our bidding, we're not going to fund your campaigns; that we want, you know government spending to yield to our corporatist interests, and, you know, take for example this demand from speaker boehner, that we do $800 billion in cuts in the social safety net. i mean that's coming straight from -- from corporate america. i mean they want to change the social security, cut

$200 billion out of that. they want to cut $600 billion out of medicare by raising the medicare eligibility age to 67. this is what they campaigned on romney and paul ryan and they want to win by negotiation kiosk. they don't care that this is unpopular with the public. >> stephanie: right. their masters have said that this is the demand that we want to make. our counterproposal is sure we would love to change medicare but what we want to do is for example negotiate drug costs with the drug companies. that would give us at least 300, $400 billion over ten years. so we want to take it away from

the very wealthy pharmaceutical companies, and they are saying no, you got to get this out of social security and benefits. so that's the difference. >> stephanie: yeah, and i'm looking like i say this is not even just polling. it is non-partisan. the republicans screamed about this report, so they redid it and it reached the same conclusion. >> exactly. >> stephanie: over the past 65 years the reduction in top tax rates has had little association with savingser our productivity growth. and this puts a steak in the heart of the republican argument that it somehow curves economic growth. >> well, stephanie, the whole notion of the job creators, we can't hurt the job creators by taking money away from them. the point is they are not hiring because of these taxes. you get every single penny that

you spend on payroll is deductible. duh! every single penny that you spend on renting, leasing, buying space is deductible. >> stephanie: right. >> from your income no matter how you are filing. so that's ludicrous that somehow rewarding income above $250,000 you know, somehow creates jobs. we know who creates jobs, the struggling brand new entrepreneurs who are bringing new people on and the president has provided 18 different tax cuts for small businesses. you know, we need to target help to small businesses more accurately instead of this fantasy -- >> stephanie: yep. >> -- as you might characterize it, that somehow if we provide tax breaks for millionaires and

billionaires, we'll just magically help. >> stephanie: you have no idea how much the mocking tone of your voice is appreciated on this show. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: representative before you go, wanted to get your take we have been talking about susan rice withdrawing. i just thought it was disgraceful that this accomplished woman became a political target of the republicans for no good reason and now has lost the opportunity to serve as secretary of state. >> oh, stephanie, there is so much to be said about that. when you talk about raw politics this is it. i think that they think they have a shot at that senate state if john kerry were appointed -- >> stephanie: yeah, someone's career has to be sacrificed for pure partisan politics. it really is a sad day, i think. >> i think so too.

republicans do much better in specht elections. money goes a lot further. the coalition that took president obama and elizabeth warren, quite frankly to the top may not turn out in a special election, and they are banking on -- on -- as close as it was -- it was much closer than romney and obama in massachusetts -- >> >> stephanie: right. and that's what they count on is less turnout trying to suppress the vote. >> that's right. so the thing of it is is we need to really hone in on educating the voters in massachusetts. all hands on deck for this special election, if in fact he does appoint john kerry. but in the short run they have won. in the long run, you know, it's incumbent upon us to make sure

they are tone deaf. they still haven't heard the message, which is hey you are kicking around another woman, this war on women continues. you have thrown her out for no reason, war on people of color. this is the coalition that will keep you out of power from now on. >> stephanie: yeah. >> and once again here is a woman who did absolutely nothing. >> stephanie: yep. >> and, you know, you pulled together this minority voice -- >> poor mccain. i still respect him stephanie. >> stephanie: i know. >> i used to respect him. war hero, um -- but i think that this is a very short-term victory for them. >> stephanie: i hope so. representative gwen moore you are a pleasure. thanks for taking time with us in the middle of what must just be a delightful time in the

congress. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: thank you so much. >> all right. bye-bye. [ applause ] >> stephanie: she is awesome. susan rice yesterday. >> i withdrew my name because i think it's the right thing for the country and the president, and putting those things together that makes it the right thing for me and my family -- >> however if scott brown gets his senate seat back then this whole thing will end in catastrophe. >> stephanie: yeah. >> oh, we loved john kerry. >> stephanie: yeah we have always loved john kerry. >> it's like when participate took [ inaudible ] out of arizona and saddled them with jan brewer. >> bone finger. >> stephanie: this is another sorry episode of the personal destruction in washington. the senator has wondered about

her temperament for a job she was only rumored to be appointed. who said that? >> [ inaudible ]. [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: no. [ inaudible ] [ inaudible ]. who said -- petty and otherwises. who said that? >> [ inaudible ] crusader? [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: same guy. "washington post." susan rice. >> i didn't want to see a process that was very prolonged, politicized, distracting and disruptive, because there are so many things we need to get done as a country. >> stephanie: imagine that putting the country first instead of your own personal power. >> hum. >> i have all my life been a public servant.

i am not a political person at my foundation. as i have in academia and think tanks, i have tried to do the right thing. >> oh she thinks she is so smart, flabbergasting. [ laughter ] >> does she work in a tavern? >> stephanie: right. one option being discussed he could appoint her national security advisor. >> that's good. >> stephanie: the president said while i deeply regret the unreasonable attacks on her, she rises above that to put our national interests first. so which we say ♪ it ain't a man's world ♪ >> stephanie: i think it will be john kerry, but you were saying jacki, chuck hagel is the rumor

for secretary of defense. >> you mean you steal my news even when i'm in the room. i was going to do a whole thing. >> forget it for 15 minutes, and then we'll do it again. [ wah wah ] >> you are getting sleepy. [♪ mysterious music ♪] >> stephanie: we'll have entirely new people in 15 minutes. his two will be long gone. >> it's my bad. i should have warned you. >> stephanie: he is one of those reasonable republicans -- >> shhhh. >> no, we can talk about that. he is of the [ inaudible ] of mccain, back when mccain was reasonable -- >> when mccain was sane. >> stephanie: he endorsed john kerry in november, and opposed the decision to invade iraq and the serge, so what can be so bad about him? [ applause ] >> nice, good guy. >> stephanie: which is why there's no room for him in the

republican party. >> yeah. >> stephanie: forty-seven minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> announcer: there's a tea party in her pants and you are invited. that you're gonna lay people off because now the government's going to help you fund your health care. really? i wanna be able to have those conversations. not just to be confrontational but to understand what the other side is saying. and you know, i'd like to arm our viewers with the ability to argue with their conservative uncle joe over the dinner table.

rich, chewy caramel rolled up in smooth milk chocolate. don't forget about that payroll meeting. rolo.get your smooth on. also in minis.

>> she gets the comedians laughing... >> that's hilarious! >> ...and the thinkers thinking. >> okay, so there's wiggle-room in the ten commandments is what you're telling me. >> she's joy behar. ... and current will let me say anything. >> only on current tv.

♪ ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ you can act real rude like an icicle in brazil ♪ ♪ we can dance, we can dance, everything is under control ♪ >> we can dance in a field with

midgets wearing [ inaudible ] clothes. >> little person. >> stephanie: david bender with some breaking news from massachusetts. good morning, david bender. >> good morning, "stephanie miller show." it is not safe for anybody when you dance in the chair. >> stephanie: okay. >> i heard you talking about speculation, and obviously [ inaudible ] special election works better for republicans. here is what they don't get. they don't get -- frankly the senator should not give up whatever his new day job is i'm sure it is, you know working on his abs. but he has $400,000 in the bank. ed marky who is great -- one of

the great members of -- >> oops. >> he is a wonderful guy, has 3.5 -- >> stephanie: somebody is calling you to tell you are on the "stephanie miller show" by the way. you keep cutting out. any way [ overlapping speakers ] >> am i on the "stephanie miller show" now? >> stephanie: yes, you are. ed marky has more money and not to worry. >> he has five times as much money, and it is going to be a short-term appointment, and then they have the special election. remember how this works. there is a guy named barney frank -- >> stephanie: yes, i heard of him. >> who could be an interim appointment -- >> stephanie: interesting. >> ah! >> and then when the special election happens if ed marky decides not to run there is another guy in massachusetts who

could kick scott brown's ass. his name is deval patrick. >> stephanie: oh! >> unlike mitt romney he did a good job as governor of massachusetts. >> stephanie: any of those people could get it done. brought to you by granger for the ones who get it done. thank you david bender. >> happy holidays everyone. >> stephanie: let's dive into the right-wing world. newt gingrich on hannity talking about susan rice. >> the fact is in the case of ambassador rice, she is a person who has agreements with the president. she was sent out by the president to say thanks that were falsed. she was used to tell the american people something that was not true. and if she has a complaint with anybody, it ought to be with president obama so went her out there. >> stephanie: are you kidding

me? really? it was what the intelligence community thought at the time. okay. stewart barney. >> the right to work is now enshrined in michigan. the right not to be forced to pay union dues is enshrined in michigan and 23 other states. i think that is a flat-out good thing. >> stephanie: unless you are a worker in michigan. >> but he thinks pearl harbor was a good idea. >> stephanie: we have no evidence here at the "stephanie miller show" that he thinks that. ann coulter. >> all of the people who want to work have left the state. not all of them there are a few left behind. but this mob cannot learn -- they would put their hand on a burning fire over and over again. they haven't noticed that by supporting these unions they have lost the car companies. they have lost jobs. >> what?

>> stephanie: the car companies were saved and so were millions of jobs. what? by the way another hannity letter for me. steph racial outreach carried across the ballroom by a black man and smooched. i bet hannity can't make that claim. >> as far as we know. >> stephanie: [ inaudible ] on the five. >> what was once a membership of hard-working men and women big labor has degenerated in to a group of thugs. [ overlapping speakers ] >> and violent assault. >> he is talking about the aledged comedian who pushed the guy on the ground and the guy retaliated. >> stephanie: yes, the video has gone viral. a police spokesman there said i saw mr. crowder's interview on sean hannity who wants to have

an mma fight with this individual. he said you can't leverage the law for personal gain. either you are a victor or you are not. according to the actual video, he started it. >> yeah. >> all right. if he wants an mma fight, he can go up against a real mms fighter. >> stephanie: crowder posted on line, it appears quite clearly he left out an important section of footage. the man who punched him to the ground seconds before and then getting up and taking a swing at the comedian. witnesses who were there were saying he tries to start something. do we have time? >> no. >> stephanie: okay. we should save this anyway for my personal comedy jesus.

>> that's what i was thinking. >> stephanie: fridays with fugelsang next on the "stephanie miller show." ♪ [♪ theme music ♪] >> stephanie: that was so broadcast news. people just brought up in jacki's newscast right this

second. look at me i'm dumpster guy. >> why are you doing that? can i help you please? >> stephanie: no i'm fine. >> buck! >> stephanie: bucky help us bucky my christmas beaver. jacki just slid in here i don't have any news! chris was like what! t-bone. >> stephanie: it was like chariots of fire bringing me a highlighter. >> the best part was when steph said did you get that printed at 6:22. and she said oh you mean the thing i just read. here she is jacki schechner. >> now that susan rice has taken

herself out of the running for secretary of state, john kerry is a likely nominee. then it is up to deval patrick to appoint his replacement. the fear amongst democrats is that we would see the return of scott brown. two names coming up to fill kerry's seat one is representative ed marky, or vicky kennedy. >> stephanie: oh! >> he spoke with ted kennedy's widow about whether she was be interested, and she has not officially ruled it out. now they are talk about chuck hagel -- >> stephanie: i hadn't heard

that. >> i know because it didn't come up in the last hour. he is a republican but a moderate one, a vietnam war vet, he was against the surge in iraq, and for the troop withdrawal. the only hang up may be his policy on israel; that he has a history of being anti-israel, according to some supporters, and that may draw some fire. >> stephanie: is vern [ inaudible ] on the short list? [ laughter ] >> we're back after the break. just don't get us wet. what the hell was that? >> that's from my upcoming benefit for victims of hurricane sandy. i booked the strongest, smartest comics i could find. my comedian friends and i will raise money to rebuild homes and lives one laugh at a time. >> awe damn, the lights are out! you know what? i'll watch a little television until they come back on. >> only on current tv.

did you get chips for the party? nope. cheese plate? cheese plate...nope. i made something better. ♪ ♪ you used the oven? boom ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] pillsbury crescents. let the making begin. [ female announcer ] why settle for plain bread? here's a better idea. pillsbury grands! flaky layers biscuits in just 15 minutes the light delicate layers add a layer of warmth to your next dinner. pillsbury grands biscuits let the making begin.

[♪ theme music ♪] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine, woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe

ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: yee-haw! happy friday. stephaniemiller.com check it out you can email us all there. it's friday. you know what that means? ♪ fugelsang, fugelsang, fugelsang, he's so fine ♪ ♪ wish he were mine ♪ ♪ fugelsang, fugelsang, fugelsang ♪ >> stephanie: hello, john fugelsang? >> good morning my steph heads how is everybody doing out there in l.a. where it is not all freezing and cold. >> oh my god it's in the 40s. >> stephanie: yeah, i had to wear a sweater. sexy liberal tickets going fast. you don't even know this yet, two huge celebrity guests on

panel. chris, jim, and jacki all opening for us. chris writes it took me a while to get used to your format. i just bought vip tickets to the show for d.c. in january. [ applause ] >> i heard a rumor that all of the vip tickets sold out within days of going on sale. >> stephanie: yeah, so it a smaller venue than we are used to, so nothing but great views. get it. john fugelsang we just had joy behar on this morning to promos the comedy relief thing you guys did. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> that's fantastic. >> stephanie: what a lineup you guys had? >> yeah, what a show. we had to change it to a two-hour special. really. >> stephanie: yeah, i know. it sounds amazing. >> we got a great review in the

wall street journal. current and comedy got a great review. >> stephanie: wow. >> tell who is on it. >> stephanie: there is you, jon stewart, larry david -- go ahead. >> colin quinn. joy behar. >> stephanie: susie essman. >> daryle hammond. there's greetings from al gore and steve colbert. it's a really great show -- >> stephanie: who knew joy behar knew some famous comedians she could call to put it together. >> we have invited paul mccartney and the nirvana survivors, but i don't think they are going to come. >> stephanie: gop aid asks why don't we wait a few months to deliver sandy disaster relief. he said it didn't have the justifying documents.

why not wait a few months so we can do that? >> yeah, let more people die. >> stephanie: a democratic aid to the congressman said homeowner's families and small business cannot wait a few months, they need help now. >> if it was five years ago in iraq they would have the money right away. but they say let the black guy pay for it. >> stephanie: exactly. john fugelsang we saved pat robertson for you. >> the president is an ideologue, he wants to redistribute growth and absurd the government. he has already taken over a good part of health care. he wants to take over the financial services. he wants to take over everything. and control it. what do you call that? it's socialism. that's what it is. i think he thinks ideologically,

i must cripple the capitolist class, cripple the business owners and destroy free enterprise system in america. >> there is not a single true thing he just said -- but this is pat robertson, his job is getting old people afraid of dying to second him money. >> stephanie: that's right. and we end with rush limbaugh. >> clarence thomas indicates you don't have to do affirmative action, you don't have to have the blessing of jesse jackson. you realize what a threat that is in the civil rights coalition? do you realize what a threat that is to the democrat party. they want the minorities thinking they don't have a chance unless they the democrats

are their champions. >> oh, wow. clarence thomas wouldn't be there without affirmative action. >> stephanie: yeah. we also might -- because he is a really bad justice who has never actually said anything -- >> no ability. >> he never writes and falls asleep in meetings. and that's exactly what rush limbaugh wants. >> stephanie: by the way -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: the big case coming up in the supreme court marriage equality doma lindsay graham next to his lover john mccain -- [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: no, i didn't say that. he says the united states supreme court should not rule that lbgt couples should not be allowed to marry because it is like banning a constitutional

amendment. >> my favorite kind of homophobes are the gay ones. >> stephanie: allegedly. >> i only heard it from tea party websites. this entire puppet show that john mccain and lindsay graham have done right now john mccain is waiving susan rice's scalp around trying to make his former friends like him again. so when you make a joke like i just did that they will finally find him butch, you'll find the conservative straight homophobes get so upset. >> stephanie: he said -- in my state we're not going to change the traditional definition of marriage -- he is a confirmed bachelor, isn't he? i support the traditional definition of marriage not out

of hate but i think it's gist best for society. >> it's for society, not for him. >> he never settled down. he is a bachelor. lindsay has a friend -- he lives with a friend. >> my manner is -- man servant. >> stephanie: he said here is a country that stands on the grounds of freedom democracy and equality. are you telling me that's fine as long as you live in the same state. john mccain, lindsay's lover -- [ buzzer ] >> stop it. >> stephanie: the constitution of the united states have all rights re -- morgan said would you allow slavery in some states but not others? >> very good point. >> stephanie: yes. >> coming from a guy from the uk. >> stephanie: and then graham

says slavery was outlawed by a constitutional amendment. the question is who should decide these things? i come out on the side of the people themselves. >> stephanie: to me -- to compare it to slavery -- >> isn't that great? >> stephanie: legalizing same-sex marriage passes then it's the law of the land. graham's -- enshrined in the constitution with the three-fifth's compromise. president lincoln's proclamation declaring saves free -- it was after so many people died that the three-fifth's was rendered moot. so we're hoping we're going to win on the 13th amendment. >> exactly. i think we should get an office

poll going on which state is the last to legalize same-sex marriage. >> stephanie: charlie pierce said would i do it today? no. >> jesus chris! >> stephanie: there is a new rapy republican. a judge said a rape victim quote unquote, didn't put up a fight. and if the body doesn't want to get pregnant, the body will stop it from happening. >> oh my god. is there some sort of chat room that these people get this. >> he goes to the same bathhouse as zimmerman. >> or lindsay graham. >> yeah. >> stephanie: hello aaron you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> caller: how are you doing? >> stephanie: good. >> caller: i just want to say a

couple of things about the reagan-omics things they are resurrecting. george senior valued it voodoo economics. >> stephanie: that's right. >> caller: i'm going to clean up just a little bit because i'm not in the service anymore. it says the cc flows downhill so keep your mouth closed. >> they call it the trickle down because it's really about the gush up. >> stephanie: oh! you are going to produce another rick santorum surge -- >> no, it's not the trickle down, it's what is gushing up to the upper 2%. >> stephanie: i'm a little nauseated.

i need to make a queef -- a brief break. i did not say that. >> yes, you did. you sure did. >> announcer: if you turn her on, she'll turn you on. >> oh, god! >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪

i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ working for the weekend, oh, you want to be in the show come on baby let's go ♪ >> stephanie: jacki is giving jim an early christmas present. she is going to switch into her spinning clothes before the end of the hour.

that's a good reason to guy the steph cast at for $4.95. okay. i inadvertently said a really dirty thing. >> even hal noticed -- >> stephanie: whatever hal! i have enough people here to correct me, but it's not you! >> that was pretty egregious, though. >> stephanie: john fugelsang i hate everyone but you. >> thank you. i'll exploit that to the max. >> stephanie: could you take out your organ for me. thank you. [ organ music ] >> stephanie: bill o'reilly is turning against christians who he says have not been outraged

enough about the war on christians. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: he asked pastor robert [ inaudible ] that guy jeffers said a lot of leaders see jesus as this little whimpy guy. o'reilly said there is a problem in america with christian forces being weak. he said that's right. i'm telling you, bill whimpy pastors produce whimpy christians and that's why we're looking the war. >> the beautiful thing here is that happy holidays is more christian than merry christmas. you want to blame someone for saying happy holidays you blame capitolism and the business community for not wanting to alienate your non-christian customers. that's called doing good

business. and being christian is being loving to others. bill o'reilly is the most fake christian that we have got. i was deeply offended because in my neighborhood i saw that had a happy holiday's banner my local porn and bong shop and i felt so betrayed. and by the way now they think jesus was born in july. so there you go. >> stephanie: jesus with a gemini, that explains a lot. >> it explains a lot. >> and all i'm sticking up for is the baby jesus. >> stephanie: all right. onion headline area woman just itching to complain if anyone complains of a nativity scene in the park. she is chopping at the bit to complain. someone is bound to say

something, and when they do i'll be ready to unleash a tirade. at press time a disappointed jacobson looked down as a middle eastern woman commented that it was very nice. [ applause ] >> keep christ in christmas. then keep capitolism out of it! this is where we give materialal possessions to the guy who renounced materialal possessions. >> stephanie: here on the "stephanie miller show" we celebrate [ inaudible ]. >> yeah, and one last thing. on his worst day jesus didn't play victim. okay? >> like sean hannity. oh by the way where is my rocky

mountain mike song that poked sean hannity with a sharp stick. you missed that i made the sean hannity show again. >> congratulations. >> stephanie: i'm going to hell -- apparently one viewer said i can go to hell for song parities. >> really? >> stephanie: yes. at least you'll be in hell with all of the cool people and interesting music. >> stephanie: and just to make sure i will get. rocky mountain mike. ♪ who can't take a joke now ♪ ♪ [ inaudible ] ♪ ♪ whines just like a baby and [ inaudible ] all his wounds ♪ ♪ oh, the hannity man, the hannity man ♪ ♪ hannity ♪ >> stephanie: marla in michigan

you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> caller: hey, steph. i love your show. except i have one complaint. we know republicans are a menace to society. >> stephanie: oh, dear. >> caller: we know that but i think you spend a little too much time talking about them. i know what they say. so just a little less time talking about them would be nice. >> stephanie: really? what would we talk about then? >> you can talk about some things, but sean hannity who cares what that moron things? >> i disagree, there are lot of people out in this beautiful wonderful country who feel really alone. and we are the sanity force. >> stephanie: we are the sanity to fight the hannity. >> we have a little bit of breaking news coming out of connecticut. jacki? >> yeah, it looks like there is

a school shooting in newton connecticut, and the gunman has been killed but there's no word yet on other sources -- >> an elementary school. >> yes but people are saying there are some injuries some reports saying children, some saying all adults. shortly after 9:40 am police reported there was a shooter in the main office of the school. so now they are in lockdown. kindergarten classes have been canceled. there are a number of personnel on the scene that are helping out. we're waiting for more information to come in. there is a tag on twitter newton that has a scroll updating information. >> okay. >> so we'll keep an eye on that. at least one dead. that's the gunman from what i could tell. >> all right. we'll monitor that as the show goes on.

>> thank you, jacki. >> stephanie: twenty-nine minutes after the hour. back with fore fridays with fugelsang on the "stephanie miller show." ♪ nobody knows disasters like comedians. >> new york, the high-tech resilient city. just don't get us wet. what the hell was that? >> that's from my upcoming benefit for victims of hurricane sandy. i booked the strongest, smartest comics i could find. my comedian friends and i will raise money to rebuild homes and lives one laugh at a time. >> awe damn, the lights are out! you know what? i'll watch a little television until they come back on. >> only on current tv.

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♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> i dressed up to santa claus and left a present in her chimney. >> oh. >> stephanie: oh my. >> that wasn't me.

i never said that. >> stephanie: i did, though. okay. thirty-four minutes after the hour. ♪ >> stephanie: all right, john fugelsang, those tickets almost gone for washington, d.c. january 19th. sexy liberal palooza. it is everybody, jim, chris, and jacki are opening for us. and then you hal, aisha and me and then two huge celebrity guests on panel! >> wonderful. [ applause ] >> stephanie: hopefully a view master by next year. >> stephanie: i don't think what that is. >> you don't remember view master? >> what kind of sheltered childhood did you have? >> stephanie: you guys have such

barely concealed contempt for me. >> what do you mean barely concealed. >> oh, my god that go to a lot of work to conceal it. >> stephanie: susan rice yesterday talking about withdrawing our candidacy. >> i have done sunday shows many times in the past. secretary clinton had been asked by most of the networks to go on. she had had an incredibly gruelling week dealing with the protests around the middle east and africa. she had to deal with the loss of our four colleagues in benghazi and she declined to do it and i was asked by the white house if i would do it as the next senior american diplomat. >> stephanie: wow, no good deed goes unpunished. >> she dodged a bullet. >> stephanie: why. >> she never would have been confirmed.

this is so win-win for the obama administration. >> stephanie: somebody was saying -- they said they always feel like it is best to have the secretary of state not come from the president's inner circle. >> i'm ready for someone who thought that was a bad idea. she is terrific. and i will always defending her -- >> stephanie: she is just a human trophy to the likes of john mccain. >> she is a scalp for irrelevant men to try to seem relevant again. her investments in the pipeline would have guaranteed her not getting nominated. >> stephanie: susan rice again yesterday. >> it was a brood spectrum of foreign policy and national security issues that i talk about publicly every day. i was asked. i was willing to do so.

it wasn't what i had planned for that weekend originally. but i don't regret doing that, brian. i think when you are a diplomat and a tragedy happens, it's our obligation to try to explain as best we can to the american people. and that's what i did. >> stephanie: where they really went over the top was calling in not bright and incompetent -- >> and even calling her a liar. there's a great piece in "the daily beast" today that her failing is that she has always been loyal to authority. but in this case how is she supposed to have questioned the cia? 9/11, 2012 four dead and we have to smear the president. these republicans are disgusting, and they are fake pate reanothers. i do feel bad for susan rice.

wow, men the evil of these horrible men. >> stephanie: one more time susan rice yesterday. >> i would have been very honested to serve in that job, but yes, sure how can you not want to in my field serve at the highest possible level. >> stephanie: they were saying john, that she may become national security advisor if the current -- i forget his name -- steps down. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: more importantly what does grover norquist think? obama may decide to blow up countries for fun -- >> i hear the first lady said she was really good at scrabble so it is scrabble or blowing up small countries? . >> stephanie: a lot of republicans are distancing themselves from him. on tuesday he sought to stymy

the president's agenda so much -- i thought his was a non-partisan tax something group -- we'll actually make those spending restraints restraints -- obama will be on a very short leash. he is not going to have any fun at all, he may decide to go blow up small countries, because he can't spend the kind of money he was hoping to. ♪ you are an idiot ♪ >> stephanie: all right. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> he is hung up on things of a very small size though. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: mitch mcconnell is accusing a pollster of skewing his approval ratings. >> someone skewed by approval

ratings and took away my lettuce for my terrain um. >> stephanie: a scant 37% approved of mitch mcconnell. >> what is the pollstered agenda. >> stephanie: by the way ppp, the pollster were the third most accurate in the presidential election. >> let's be fair, it is the most liberal polling outfit out there. but no one likes mitch mcconnell. >> stephanie: exactly. and that's what i'm saying even though they are considered liberal, they are the third-most accurate -- >> uh-huh. and he was in rocky, playing cuff and link -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: republicans claim

that pollsters have run out of republican -- >> where are all of these white people? >> stephanie: republicans need to dramatically improve their standings with latino voters. republicans have run out of persuadable white voters he said. they survived latinos in four stays, and concluded that the gop was on life support. >> i think the key word was persuadable white voters. >> stephanie: yeah running out of dopey white people. >> okay. whatever you say. which way did he go? >> stephanie: kelly in west virginia. chris it's for you. >> good morning, kelly. >> caller: hi, chris, how are you? >> i'm doing good.

how are you? >> caller: well, i'm a little bothered, as stephanie said your mouth disparaged my state. >> i can't help it. i'm from virginia. it's a thing. >> caller: well it might be a thing for you, but it's another thing for my group of progressive west virginiians that i have worked very hard to get to watch this show. >> i'm sorry, kelly. >> caller: my phone blew up, all of my ladies from every church i work with, called me because we had our little prayer meeting where we go to each other's house every week and knit and crochet prayer shalls -- >> stephanie: oh, my god. that is so waiting for guffman.

>> caller: and when it was at my house, we were watching your show, and you were disparaging chris for disparaging the show -- >> i apologize kelly. i have been to west virginia. it's lovely in places. >> stephanie: there you go again. bob in ohio -- [ overlapping speakers ] >> we got to second chris toen a unregulated coal mine for that. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: bob in ohio. >> caller: hi, steph. love your show. >> stephanie: thank ya. >> caller: i was calling about the fiscal cliff and the republicans claiming that obama won't come to the table with any spending cuts, you know, for the entitlement programs, but if you remember back during the election, they kept accusing him of cutting $716 billion from medicare. >> uh-huh. >> stephanie: yeah so where is

that number now? here is the thing. our buddy wrote this great piece about why are we negotiating with them, they don't care about deficits. they only care when democrats are in office. when it's them, the mkt they get in office they run up deficits. >> yeah. we got ourselves surplus means you are paying too much tax. i'm going to take care of that. [ mocking laughter ] >> stephanie: i miss that giggle. forty-five minutes after the hour. back with the remaining moments of the "stephanie miller show." >> it's like a mensa meeting with fart jokes. it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ >> i'm a slutty bob hope. the troops love me. the sweatshirt is nice and all but i could use a golden lasso.

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♪ i i -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ you make me feel like dancing, i feel like dancing, whoo, dancing, ahhhhh ♪ >> i love disco. and i here it's making a comeback. >> stephanie: oh, for god's sake. why don't you beat jim to a hitler reference now. >> you cannot mauk the disco! >> stephanie: 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. don in pennsylvania. good morning, don. welcome. >> caller: question -- >> stephanie: good morning to you too. >> caller: well, good morning to you too. is it possible to criticize a woman or a minority without being a racist or a misogynist.

>> absolutely. >> yes. >> it's encouraged. >> caller: are there any liberal/democratic/progressive women or minorities that would fit into that category of being easily criticized? >> on what topic -- >> i already criticized susan rice -- >> stephanie: i criticized hillary clinton a lot during the campaign. because i didn't like the way their campaign was being run against president obama. >> i didn't like the way she worked in the senate. i thought she was the best republican we had. >> caller: and what about minorities? >> why are you playing dumb with this. this is so lame -- who has called you a racist friend? >> caller: people have called me a racist because -- >> why? what did you say that made them

call you a racist friend? >> caller: my non-support of president obama. >> and who called you a racist for that? >> caller: well just different people that i have spoken with. oh, you have got to be a racist. you don't want to elect him because he is a black man. >> stephanie: that's incorrect. i have never criticized anybody that has criticized president obama in some sort of racial terms -- >> stephanie calls me and chris and jim racial terms, but other than that -- >> stephanie: right. >> caller: has it gotten ridiculous to the point where you say chicago or urban, it is racist. >> stephanie: there are dog whistles you know what that means. >> and it's context. >> come on don't play dumb. there are people who will say racist for no reason.

we have to calm the hysteria am i right? >> caller: calming hysteria are will a good thing. >> stephanie: you know how i'm going to calm yours, i'm going to give you $100 for pro-flowers gift how about that? >> caller: my wife would like that. >> stephanie: there you go. [ applause ] >> non-racist sexist flowers. here i am calming racist hysteria left and right. jacki schechner stand up work it for momma. [♪ romantic music ♪] >> you are being sexist! we just got done -- [ laughter ] >> oh, my god! >> stephanie: jim and i are pigs. everybody knows that. >> we just got done having a

discussion about how non-sessionist we are -- >> stephanie: jacki schechner is hot. david in rochester, hello. >> caller: hello. yeah i'm here. >> stephanie: okay. >> caller: i have been hearing about how it is that 40% of the taxes that are paid in this country are paid by the wealthiest 2% -- [ overlapping speakers ] >> and they control 80% of the wealth. but go on. >> caller: that was going to be my next point. why don't they pay 80% of the taxes. >> exactly. i would say the top 20% of the population could pay 98% of the taxes. but i went to public school.

my math is not that good. >> stephanie: hi jenny you are on the "stephanie miller show." okay. bye-bye. i think it's for jacki -- jacki it's for you. go ahead. >> caller: hi, steph, my daughter and i just loved you with the sexy liberal. we were at the meet and grope too. my daughter -- she was a little tiny thing with a t-shirt that said aspiring radio slag. >> stephanie: i loved that shirt. >> caller: when obamacare takes effect and employers have to offer health care. do they also have to require to pay a certain percent of the premiums for like an employee and his family too? >> that's a good question. i would have to look. i'm not entirely sure if there's a mandate on how much they have to pay.

i know they have to offer an affordable option which means it can't be more than 9.45% of your income. so basically they have to offer you something where you are personally not paying anymore than 9.5% of your income. >> caller: okay. >> keep in mind though most employers at this point offer health insurance already. so we're not kicking in a program that doesn't already exist. and that's very important to remember is we're not having any sort of health care overhaul where we're now mandating employers to do something they already do. >> my husband has been weighing a job offer, where it's an expensive plan, and they'll pay 100% of his premium. but it's like $1,200 a month times -- times 12. >> for you guys. >> caller: yeah, they won't pay

any of the premiums for us. >> it may be more affordable for you to use the state insurance exchanges and try to buy on the private market competitively. you would have to weigh that. >> stephanie: okay. all right. how many awesome jacki health care corners have we had this morning? how awesome is jacki schechner. it's like a health care crisis call center. ♪ i know she gets up in the night and burns the [ inaudible ] ♪ the only one that got it right was jacki schechner ♪ ♪ so happy with schechner ♪ >> oh! i feel loved. >> stephanie: you are loved! speaking of beloved, oh know another palin divorce. >> yeah!

>> well he gave it a year. >> stephanie: track has filed for divorce from his wife after almost 19 full months. the two -- by the way their marriage took place when she was already six monk's pregnant. [ applause ] >> that's a palin family tradition. >> family values. [ laughter ] >> she was already pregnant [ mocking laughter ] >> stephanie: do you want to do elmer fud calling the palin kids in. all right. joy behar comics with benefits tonight at 9:00 pm on the current tv network. >> please watch it. larry david is on it. it's awesome. >> stephanie: all of us on

january 19th for sexy liberal inauguration weekend. tickets almost gone. jacki schechner we love you, honey. >> i love you guys. >> stephanie: let's go spin! we have gotten fat this whole show! let's go. >> bye john. >> stephanie: bye baby. ♪